March started well and sunny and everywhere in Yerevan you could see preparations for International Women's Day on March 8th. This day is very important for Armenians and is celebrated for a whole month, from March 8th to April 7th, which is Mother's Day in Armenia. When I asked why the day is so important, the answer I usually received was "We love our women."

This was less apparent in everyday life, however, as women are clearly inferior to men and, for example, are not greeted with a handshake, are reluctant to be seen smoking in public, and do not always have a say in finding a partner. The image of women is still extremely backward and that did not change on March 8th or the days that followed - all you saw were girls and women walking around with flowers in their hands that had been handed out on the street. Everywhere you saw women you were greeted with the words "qez shnorhavor, du archik es" (Congratulations, you're a girl), and that was the case in the office the next day too. It seemed as though a colleague walked into my room every five minutes and congratulated all the women - but without a handshake, of course.

In contrast to other countries or cities, there were no demonstrations or protests on International Women's Day itself; there is practically no feminist movement in Armenia. I rather have the feeling that women know exactly what roles and expectations there are of them, but they accept it and do not believe that anything will ever change.

This lack of emancipation was one of the very few things I didn't like about Armenia and I always tried not to let it affect me. At the end of my volunteer service, almost all of my colleagues shook my hand to greet me (after I had provocatively held out my hand to them in greeting) and those who couldn't bring themselves to do so at least gave me a high-five or something similar. I was also allowed to carry the trees I planted myself or garbage bags during clean-up campaigns and nothing was taken out of my hands anymore.

A cleanup operation at the beginning of March was actually the last operation I did in Armenia.ATP teamed up with a local supermarket chain and organized a clean-up of a public forest and park. Around forty participants spent the entire morning and early afternoon clearing up rubbish, raking leaves and trimming trees. ATP organizes these events all year round, but more so in the spring, among other things to tidy up and clean up future planting sites.

Photos (on this page): Inken Wilms

The weekend after that day - ironically, my last day of work was Friday the 13th - I spoke to my parents on the phone and for the first time considered flying back home because of the corona crisis. The situation in Germany was (and still is) significantly worse than in Armenia at that time, there were many more confirmed infected people, much more panic and, above all, the notorious panic buying. So it seemed only plausible to me to stay in Armenia and wait out the whole situation there - especially since I did not want to end my volunteer service early at any cost and leave the country and my whole life there earlier than planned. All the other volunteers there had also made this decision, both the German ones and the volunteers from other countries, which is why we only skimmed through the numerous emails from the Foreign Office and the German Embassy in Yerevan, all of which contained the urgent recommendation to return to Germany, and informed our German sending organization that we had decided to stay in Armenia despite everything. On Sunday evening, I received the news that the ATP office would be closed due to the current emergency situation in the country and that I should stay at home for the next week. The Armenian government had announced at that time that people should stay at home as much as possible and only leave the house for important errands. My roommates felt the same way and so we spent the next week cooking together, cleaning the dorm, doing sports together and playing cards. It was like a vacation that you didn't have to miss.

On Tuesday, we finally received a message from the Federal Ministry for Economic Cooperation and Development (BMZ), which coordinates and finances all Weltwärts volunteer services and is thus our boss. This message said that due to the current crisis, all volunteers worldwide are being asked to return to Germany as soon as possible and that our volunteer service will end upon arrival in Germany. This means that, even if the situation calms down before the actual end of our volunteer service, there is no possibility of returning to Armenia or our project. After a long conversation with our supervisor from the German organization, a lot of discussion and desperation, it was finally clear - we had to go back to Germany. However, no one knew when and how this would happen. At that time, Armenia had closed all borders to neighboring countries, so the only way back to Germany was by plane. However, as more and more airlines were canceling their flights and there are no direct flights from Germany to Armenia anyway, we didn't know if and how we would get home.

After a conversation with our Armenian host organization on Wednesday, we had actually decided not to return to Germany for the time being. Although it was the BMZ's instruction, it seemed too unsafe for both the organization and us to travel in this situation. We did not know whether we would even get a flight, whether we might get stuck at the transit airport and whether we would be sent into quarantine in Germany. In addition, the risk of becoming infected either on the way or in Germany was and is much higher than if you had stayed in Armenia. We had agreed to stay in Armenia for a few more weeks until the situation had calmed down a bit and then to arrange the journey home - with the hope that the BMZ would then say that we should just stay there and we could finish our volunteer service.

However, our German organization did not accept this decision and responded to our email with two options for a flight home. One that same night and another for the following Saturday. Since we all thought it was impossible to pack up not only all your luggage but also your whole life and fly home within a few hours, we all wanted to take the flight on Saturday so that we could at least spend a few more days in Armenia and with the other volunteers. In the end, however, this decision was not ours and since our German organization tried to get us all to Germany as quickly and as quickly as possible, we received the message at 8:30 p.m. that our flight would leave at 2:45 that same night.

What can I say, I have never felt more numb in my life. You might have expected us to burst into tears or panic, but no. Everyone went to their room without saying a word and packed their lives into their suitcases within three hours. Even when I think back, I can't think of a suitable word to describe the situation. It was probably just too much to understand at that moment. It was only when we stood in the hallway with our suitcases, backpacks and bags packed and had to say goodbye to our roommates that it slowly dawned on us that this really meant the end of our volunteer service. Saying goodbye to the people who had become my second family over the last seven months was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. But at least I was able to say goodbye to them, whereas I couldn't say goodbye to my colleagues and friends. However, I promised myself and them that I would return as soon as possible after all this fuss, even if only for a few weeks, to say goodbye and see all the places I was no longer able to visit.

After we arrived at Frankfurt Airport after a stopover in Doha, Qatar, the German volunteers finally parted ways. Although I know that I will see them all again, as we will have a mandatory return seminar, this farewell was also extremely difficult. It will never be the same again, we will no longer live together and will not experience the things that have brought us so close together over the last few months.

I have been back in Germany for almost three weeks now and I still feel uncomfortable. My home seems so small and, above all, empty and no longer feels like home. On the street I suddenly understand everything the people around me are saying and when I drive I have to buckle up again. The culture shock that accompanied me during the first days and weeks in Armenia is now something I am experiencing in reverse. I always knew that this moment would come at some point, but now I haven't even had time to mentally prepare for it. The whole Corona crisis has forced me to stay at home for the most part. I can't see my friends and family and I can't do anything. Of course, that doesn't really help with getting used to life in Germany again. My daily emotional state oscillates between sadness that I am no longer in Armenia and that I miss my whole life there, despair because I currently have no real perspective or plan for my future, and displeasure at the BMZ's actions (even though many will probably now think that the way they acted was understandable and justified, I cannot see anything good in the decision in my current situation).

Und obwohl meine Zeit in Armenien nun leider zu einem so unschönen Ende gekommen ist, gehörten diese letzten sieben Monate zu den besten in meinem ganzen Leben. Ich habe unfassbar viel gelernt, wunderbare Menschen kennen gelernt, mich persönlich weiterentwickelt, die vielleicht schönsten Flecken der Erde gesehen und so so viele Erinnerungen gemacht, die ich immer in meinem Kopf behalten werde, egal wie der Freiwilligendienst nun ausgegangen ist. Ich hoffe, dass ich meine Begeisterung über das Land Armenien und die Erfahrungen, die ich dort machen durfte, einigermaßen in meinen Blogeinträgen rüberbringen konnte und meine Enttäuschung über das vorzeitige Ende meiner Zeit dort verständlich ist. Ich hoffe, ich konnte euch etwas die Augen öffnen über ein doch so fremdes Land und euch die Kultur etwas näher bringen. Ich kann nur jedem empfehlen, selber einmal die Reise in ein so „außergewöhnliches“ Land (vorzugsweise natürlich Armenien) zu wagen und verspreche, dass man die Welt danach mit etwas anderen Augen sieht. Natürlich erst, wenn diese ganze Krise vorbei ist…

I thank everyone who has read my blog for their interest and hope you can take something away from it.

All the best, stay healthy and ststessutyun (goodbye)!

Inken Wilms